The Mandates: 25 Real Rules for Successful Gay Dating
October 24, 2011 by admin
Filed under DATING PRODUCT
The Mandates: 25 Real Rules for Successful Gay Dating
How do you win the dating game if you’re a gay man?
After many years of serial monogamy, Dave Singleton went to the front lines to find out, exploring the lives of other gay men who found themselves on the dating fast track with guys they’d met from work, at the gym or bars, and, increasingly, on the Internet. Thus, The Mandates was born—a laugh-out-loud but completely true set of rules about the making (or breaking) of men’s romantic relationships.
A sampling:
Man
List Price: $ 12.95
Price: $ 24.84
Nothing New. Not that funny,
For $10 I guess its fine, but I didn’t learn anything from this book at all. If anything, I actually feel more alienated. I do not live in the gay neighborhood of my city nor do I hang out exclusively with gay people. However, coexisting with straight people isn’t even a passing thought in this book. Basically, if you don’t live as a cher-worshipping rainbow flag waving poster child of gaydom, the book paints you as a maladjusted closet case who should be avoided at all costs. I agree with the review that said this is a good guide to turning into a “flaky queen”. Also, I cannot even count the number of times alcohol is referred to in this book (and I rarely drink) but any drug use is met with a “kick him to the curb, girlfriend” attitude (I don’t do drugs either, but I’m just pointing it out). The book does not answer any central questions about what men want. There is research out there about how important a good body *really* is and how important masculine traits really are for a relationship vs. hookup. This author did not pull any of that in. However, there is an underlying assumption that ALL gay men go to the gym, and usually that is an all-gay gym (so I guess a good body is really important to him…). As far as the authors take on the value that gay men place on education or personal growth – oh wait – neither topic is ever mentioned. The whole book can be summed up with the fact that the author actually gives advice on “what to say if he catches you looking at his Streisand CDs when he comes out of the bathroom”. So, essentially, the book is a disappointing series of common-sense superficial tips that anyone who went to high school already knows: “don’t seem needy or desperate, be confident, don’t go into your whole life story on the first date.” I mean, if you’re THAT clueless about dating… then go for it. Maybe I would’ve found this useful at 16 or 17, however. (Oh, by the way I just learned that being 30 is old. It’s mentioned about 4 times.) I also like how there is a whole chapter devoted to what you should hide & display in your bathroom (aveda = bad… generic shaving cream = good). Um, by the time a guy is in my bathroom, he is probably on his way to having sex with me so I think it’ll just have to be ok if he sees moisturizer with retinol. If he wants to end the relationship over my brand of shaving cream (yes, that is mentioned as well) then I’m done too. What is amazing is that in previous chapters, “being your fabulous gay self” is encouraged, but now we’re playing “hide the gay cosmetics?” The book is replete with hypocritical counsel, vague generalizations, and inconsistencies. I suppose, then, it is more of a metaphor of gay dating than a guide to it.
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|not that great,
Most of this book was common sense aside from a few things with which I completely disagreed.
It was good in the sense that in went into the details of how you merge the two lives, and the complications that happen once you’re an item.
However, the author confuses sarcastic bitchyness with humor at times.
There is a section about how to handle your friends when they’re about to “dish” you to your date. First of all, why would you be friends with someone who would mudsling you in the first place? Why keep that kind of negativity around? He could’ve simplified that chapter into one sentence, “don’t keep mean-spirited idiots for friends”.
The author has an obvious bias against monogomy and those who only feel comfortable in monogamous relationships. He admits to being burned once, and somehow blames monogamy rather than the idiot who cheated on him. It’s like blaming the school because your kids skip class.
Oh, and if you’re thinking about family and kids, this book has almost no mention of looking for guys with fathering skills.
Unfortunately by trying to simplify dating, and alieviate heartbreak, misfortune, and poor judgement–the author has managed to suck all the magic out of it.
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|Funny,
Loved it. It contains some wonderful, practical advice. But really, it’s like spending the afternoon with a wise and witty friend who left me feeling better about myself than when I started it. I don’t get the naysayers who act as if every so-called self help book has to be written in dense academic text or swamped in psychobabble. There’s a lot of dreary stuff out there and I have read most of it. This was really enjoyable. There’s some obvious satire in here, mixed with the stories. If you hate being entertained or laughing out loud then some parts of this are not for you I guess.
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